Three conversations in the exercise room

Old people can be really funny. Soon after moving into the retirement community, one of my new neighbors told me he is making a special effort to get to events on time because he isn’t ready yet to be known as “the late Robert Yohr.” Bob was approaching 90 and since that conversation has become “late.” I miss him, but he still makes me chuckle.

I’ve taken on the role of resident spy. Sometimes I just listen in on conversations. Sometimes I participate. I try to listen more than I talk, so as not to miss anything. I’m collecting conversations, spontaneous jokes, and ancient humor. The understory of this old growth forest is thick with humor. It helps the small beasts (like me) thrive.

Before the pandemic shut us down, I was part of an informal early-morning exercise group. By informal I mean that we were all early-risers and spent time in the basement exercise room during the same morning hours. There were about six of us and we bonded over sweat and humor. The following three unrelated conversations took place on the same morning. I wrote them down and added a conclusion. While not exactly hilarious, these conversations still make me smile. 

Three Conversations in the Exercise Room

1.     City Chicken

“We had city chicken for our Christmas dinner. It’s a family favorite. Can any of you tell me what it is?”

“Does it have to do with where you eat it?”

“Nope.”

“Is it spiced with obscure herbs and served with tofu or something weird like that?”

“Nope. It’s skewered pieces of pork loin, oven baked in a cast iron skillet. It comes from the Ohio Valley.”

“Why that name?”

“Don’t know. It’s always been called city chicken. That’s just the way it is.”

 

2.     The Old Folks Do a Post-Christmas Spring Cleaning

“We cleaned our oven yesterday. It’s a Whirlpool and the manual says ‘self-cleaning.’ In quotation marks.”

“Was it? Self-cleaning?”

“Well. At the end of the day Carol told me she’d give up our trip to Hawaii if we would buy a new stove.”

“Are you gonna do it?”

“I’m thinking about it. Makes sense. My knees don’t like it when I’m down on the floor scrapping the oven with a knife.”

“I washed out our cupboards yesterday. Any mice we have will be mighty disappointed.”

“We’ve never done that in all our years of marriage!”

“I’m gonna clean the refrigerator today.”

“That’s funny. So am I.”

“Let’s have a potluck tonight. Bring together all our green left-overs.”

“Sounds fun. Grim, but fun.”

 

3.     In the Dead of Winter

“Why do they call this time ‘the dead of winter’? No one ever mentions ‘the dead of spring’ in April.”

“Or ‘the dead of summer’ in July.”

“Maybe we’re all just ‘dead to rights,’ whatever that means.”

“What does it mean?”

“I’ve never heard that phrase.”

“I have, but I don’t know what it means either.”

“Here. I’ll look it up on my i-Phone. . . . ‘Dead to rights’—It comes from the underworld of the mid-19^th century—the mob—and means ‘caught in the act.’”

 

4.     A Conclusion of the Matter

“What was he doing and how did he get caught?”

“He was foolishly stealing a Whirlpool oven. He was caught by the city chickens. In the dead of winter.”