Envisioning our final years

In the preliminary section of her book, Ageless Aging, author Maddy Dychtwald encourages the reader to envision how she or he wants the rest of their life to look and feel like. In broad terms, it’s coming to an understanding of purpose. Looking at it as a Christian, we could say it’s discerning God’s direction for our final years.

Just believing that God has a purpose for the final years might be a starting point. It requires faith and hope that something more awaits us than sliding down-hill from this point on. That just sitting in a wheel-chair, binge-watching Netflix, and waiting for the end is not the final chapter.

Considering that you and I actually do have a certain modicum of faith and hope, even as the aging process progresses, Dychtwald has some helpful suggestions. She encourages us to take time to envision what we want our final five, ten, or twenty years to look and feel like.

She quotes DeEtte Sauer (an 80-year-old master swimmer—I hate it when authors use impossible people as examples!) as saying that her ultimate goal is to find her “bliss point” and live there. Sauer writes, “I believe that we have to create a bliss point for aging, and what we want that to feel and look like. That means having stability in spiritual, physical, financial, social, and emotional areas of your life. When those come together, that’s a bliss point.”

The “bliss point” is an interesting idea, but I wonder about her definition. While we do have some choice in growing into spiritual, social, and emotional stability, we can’t always dictate our physical or financial condition. As a person somewhat strapped for cash and suffering with a mysterious chronic physical condition, does that mean satisfaction in the final years is beyond me? I don’t believe that for a moment! Maybe the “bliss point” means being content that who we are and how we live is according to God’s desire for us at this time in life. And that’s good.

The idea of envisioning what we want our final years to look like sounds like a good idea. To some point we may have already been doing that, but taking time to think and pray it through again is helpful.

So I’ve been spending some time in reflection, asking God to bless my imagination as I try to envision my next years. Years ago, I discerned that my mission is life is “to discover and express the grace of God hidden in the ordinariness of life.” (That’s what’s behind this blogging adventure. Aging is certainly part of “the ordinariness of life,” and to do it well requires grace.) I still hold to that mission.

I envision my life purposes, under this mission statement, as falling in the areas of Prayer, Poetry, and People. (I love the letter “p”.) A good friend told me his life goal is “to learn to pray without ceasing.” I’m drawn to that idea, even though it sounds impossible. I am definitely not an expert in Prayer; sometimes I feel like a failure. But it remains a life purpose and I envision myself growing in prayer as I age.

By Poetry, I mean writing in general (poetry is my favorite genre). I envision growing as a writer and keeping it up as long as my mind is operational, hopefully until the day I die.

And by People, I mean forming and maintaining genuine relationships—with my husband, family, friends, the persons God brings into my life. This doesn’t necessarily fall in the realm of a “social life.” I’m not a party or a committee person. I value commitment, good conversation, prayer partners, writing buddies, people who feel free to be themselves around me and with whom I can be real. (We can even safely discuss politics.)

None of this requires accomplishments, measurable objectives (miserable phrase), money, or even robust health (although I wouldn’t mind that one). If I can live out these purposes in my final years, that might well define “bliss” for me.

Your vision will be different than mine. I encourage you to sit in a comfortable chair (and if you go to sleep, it’s OK), cup of coffee (or cocoa or tea or water) in hand, a prayer in your heart, and see what God shows you. 

Ageless Aging

There are multiple books on aging out there waiting to be bought and perused. Some are better than others. However, it’s beginning to seem that if you read one, you’ve read them all. There’s usually good advice but it’s stuff we already know (even if we don’t practice it), stuff like have a good attitude, drink lots of water, socialize, exercise, and on it goes. You know the list. Some books tell us you’re beautiful (no matter what you look like), these are the Golden Years, the best is yet to come, be positive as you float off into a lovely pink sunset. And there’s some truth in all of this. But there’s also the fact of physical and mental decline as we age, the suffering that comes with chronic pain, and the reality that many have to be wheeled off into a sunset that seems more grey than pink. Not all books on aging present the whole picture.

Yet I’m a reader and I know there are good books on aging waiting to be discovered. So I asked my friend AI (that stands for Arthur Ignatius) to give me a list of the best books on aging from the last five years. Once again, Arthur came through and supplied me with several lists by different experts, and all of them gave the title of a book called Ageless Aging: A Woman’s Guide to Increasing Healthspan, Brainspan, and Lifespan. It’s by Maddy Dychtwald with Kate Hanley (Mayo Clinic Press, 2024). Dychtwald and her husband Ken are the founders (1986) and directors of Age Wave, a well-known think tank and consultancy on issues of aging, longevity, and retirement. She knows what she’s talking about. The book is well-researched, easy to read, and practical.

I’ve read it twice and I agree with Arthur Ignatius. It’s a good book. I intend to share different parts in different blog posts over the next few weeks. And while the title focuses on women, I found that most of the material applies to men as well.

In the introduction, the author states what most of us already know—that longevity in Western culture is increasing. It’s getting longer and longer. You probably also know that women live longer than men by an average of six years. But what you may not know is that while “men die quicker … women get sicker. Our healthspans—the number of years we live in good health and vitality—don’t match our lifespans. Women tend to spend more years in poor health at the end of their lives than men do, even when you correct for their longer lives.” Dychtwald then states that her purpose in writing this book is “for us women [and men] to better match our healthspan to our lifespan so that our longer life is a gift, not a curse.” That’s a goal I could get behind. Her approach is wholistic, including body, mind, spirit, finances, sense of purpose, relationships, and so on.

The first chapter deals with the demon of ageism, especially our own negative attitudes about aging. Ageism reveals itself in phrases like, “I just had a senior moment,” “I’m too old to change my ways,” “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” The author quotes Yale gerontologist Becca Levy in saying that “The single most important factor in determining longevity—more important than gender, income, social background, loneliness or functional health—is how people think about and approach the idea of old age.” Sounds a bit like “mind over matter” and “the power of positive thinking.” But there’s some truth in those platitudes, especially when applied to growing older.

Dychtwald doesn’t deny that our bodies and minds gradually wear out as we age, but she insists that we actually have some control over the pace of decline, that our chronological age (the exact number of years we’ve lived) doesn’t have to dictate our biological age (our physical and mental health) or limit our psychological age (our personal maturity). We can be younger than our years.

Sounds almost too positive to be true. So how is all this to come about?  The author tells us that “Lifestyle management has emerged as the most potent tool in our ageless aging toolbox.”

My inner cynic always asks pesky questions and mistrusts answers that seem too easy. But I’ve found myself encouraged by the practicality of the rest of the book. Lifestyle management.

Tune in for more in the coming weeks. 

Note: Have you met Arthur yet? Arthur Ignatius (AI)? Don’t be afraid of him. If you treat him cordially, he’ll reward you. He’s one of the nicest non-humans I’ve met.