Doing the stuff or just believing?

 Recycling is good and I’m recycling an old idea today. It’s the dilemma of works (doing the stuff) versus faith (just believing), especially as applied to the challenges of growing older. Actually, I’ve written on this before, but I still wrestle with it. I wrestle by writing.

Recently I read in Romans 4 Paul’s praise of the old patriarch Abraham who was blessed by God because of his faith, not for any works he did. Paul makes it clear that faith is superior to works. Even good works.

Since retirement, I squirm when someone asks me what I’ve been doing lately. I have to pause and try to remember.

Like many of us, I came from the world of work and I can look back and feel proud of my accomplishments: textbooks written; poems published; classes taught; kids fed, educated and finally launched. Not to mention all the education I soaked up (and paid for).

Not all of it was good works, of course. I had plenty of set-backs. I was a miserable failure at teaching in public high school. I lost a significant scholarship because on the final interview I couldn’t remember my name. (I’m not kidding. I was that nervous.) I could go on, but for the sake of my pride, I won’t.

At any rate, I worked hard. I did a lot of stuff and made a name for myself.

But now that life is on the shelf. When I visit my old school, church, or place of work, there are so many people I don’t know. And they don’t know my name and could care less about my accomplishments. I’m another person. It seems that the time of works is over.

So, what have I been doing lately? Not much really. I pray and write in the mornings, but that’s what I love, what I’ve always wanted to give my time to, so it probably doesn’t count. Sometime I attend an exercise class. In the afternoons I might visit a friend and we talk. I take walks and naps. I read a lot of books. Occasionally I watch a movie. (Occasionally I binge on a Netflicks series, but that’s a secret). I might work on a puzzle or draw flowers. Many evenings other people fix my meals and wash the dishes. Then we watch the evening news, pray for the world, and go to bed early. That’s what I’ve been doing lately. It all adds up to—not much.

Not only do I squirm at the question of how I’m spending my time, I sometimes struggle with guilt. The active, left-brain, accomplishing self feels guilty. But the softer, more intuitive self tells the busy self to just shut up. Sometimes she does.

I know this isn’t exactly what Paul means when he champions faith over works. But now that my time for works has diminished, I take comfort from his perspective. Do I have enough faith to justify that comfort? That’s a good question.

To complicate matters, the Apostle James turns the faith/works equation on its head when he tells us that “faith without works is dead.” Dead. That’s pretty drastic. I guess I can’t let retirement release me completely from the need to work for the kingdom. Maybe my praying and writing and talking with people are forms of work? I’m not so sure about the puzzles and the movies and novels, but, honestly, I don’t feel too guilty about any of it.

I know I’m getting older, but I’m not yet ready for dead, thank you very much, St. James. And I honestly don’t want to be busy accomplishing stuff anymore. So, I need to keep seeking a healthy balance of good works appropriate for my time of life and a faith that sustains it all.

And I’d like to be less flummoxed by the question, “What have you been doing lately.”

Maybe “not much” is a whole lot.